Realizing My Filipino Heritage

 

It opened my eyes. 

I was 19 years old. College days were comparatively gloomy. Dropped two classes out of four classes I was currently taking at the time… and I was just stressed out.

Burnt out. My face looked as though the sky had fallen. I just felt absolutely lost in life.

Did I see myself as a Filipino at the time?

No.

I was just a typical American kid.

Yep. That’s what I thought.

So it was April 2009. The parental units tell me that the three of us are going to the Philippines for the month of May.

Mom.

Dad.

Me.

Yep, that’s three people.

Pretty much, my Spring semester ended by the time May came into effect.

I didn’t want to go, at first…

… but after having been fed up with living in America, I figured, “Why not?”

May was here and I was ready to go.

Originally, I didn’t wanna come back to the USA, I just wanted to stay in P’nas..

.. and my dad said that if I seemed like I enjoyed being in the Philippines, I could stay…….. but he wouldn’t let me stay, after the vacation was done.

It meant that vacation was going to be terrible, right?

Nope, it wasn’t that bad.. it was actually better than I imagined.

It’s just too bad that I couldn’t stay.

Why?

It opened my eyes. That’s why.

We were riding home in my uncle’s van.
He was driving my family home to Olongapo City from the airport in Manila.
The entire time in the van, I stared out the window and gazed at the streets.

It was sort of vague, at first..

I mean – were people here poor? Were they rich? Were they middle class?

By the time we arrived home, I had more and more Tagalog shoved in my face.

Not in a rude way, but it was either one of two things:

1) They were too shy to speak English to me
2) May medyo naka-nosebleed.

Ordinarily, my cousins would have ran out of English words and return to Tagalog. They would laugh, I would laugh, and I would sort of get the humor.

For someone who was rather tolerant of this, I figured I had to learn Tagalog.

By ‘learn Tagalog’ I mean learning more Tagalog,
a lot more than just my basic “Busog na ako,” or “Inaantok na ako.”

I didn’t think it was necessary to expect them to get better at speaking English and wait for them. I had to actually give Tagalog a shot.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do… so it made sense to me, at the time.

Were people here poor? Rich? Middle class?

These same questions were constantly echoing in my head like a mantra.

My cousin Jayar was probably the one I talked to most… and he’d be the one who’d tease me in Tagalog a lot…

When I thought about the word “Liloloko,” Jayar came to mind.

He taught me some idea of what the word meant.. and in the context of having a guy-girl courtship, there could be some negative connotations of liloloko… like cheating on a girlfriend/boyfriend… or messing with a girl/boy’s feelings.

Talking with him in Tagalog– it wasn’t even about me learning Tagalog; it was about me learning to communicate and really pay attention and listen to what someone is saying.

It really changed the way I took English fluency for granted.

Living in America for over 10 years, it’s easy to be fluent… but fluency doesn’t necessarily mean good communication skills or listening skills; and by communicating in Tagalog, I was forced to use what little Tagalog I knew and try to communicate my needs or what I needed to express.

I loved the way things were expressed differently in Tagalog.

It was a beautiful language for me.

Learning Tagalog was one of many major factors in me gaining insight as a Filipino.

However, the thing that really affected me the most is this idea that:

There is more to being Filipino than being able to speak Tagalog… or Ilocano.

I was always used to hearing about Tagalog speakers, or Ilocano speakers, or Visayan speakers.

Eventually, I found out that I am half Pangasinan, half Sambal.

Now, I don’t know a lot of half Pangsinan, half Sambal people where I live in the US.

I don’t know any at all. However, this was shocking for me.

All this time, I thought Tagalog represented ALL FILIPINOS.

Pretty generic way of thinking, yeah.. but it’s probably a common mistake that a lot of Filipinos in the USA make.

Or was that merely an uneducated assumption of mine?

Maybe it would be safe to say that I am one of the few Filipino idiots to actually think that Tagalog was the ONLY spoken language in the Philippines– like that was ‘all there is to it’.

A wake-up call? Definitely.

There is more to being Filipino than just TAGALOG.

In the Philippines, you could be representing Cebu, or maybe you’re Bikolano, or something else.

I think that in the USA, a fraction of Filipinos don’t even know that there are other spoken dialects in the Philippines other than Tagalog. Some don’t know what part of the Philippines they represent.

Do I cringe if people only think about Tagalog when they think of Filipinos?

Maybe… much more if people have never heard of dialects like Pangasinan.

That just means that some people have a general idea of what being a Filipino means… and well, there’s nothing wrong with not knowing what stuff like Pangasinan is — it just means you don’t know as much as you would’ve liked to know about being Filipino.

Some new generation Filipinos probably don’t have any interest in seeing what the many different kinds of spoken dialects are in the Philippines.

I think in the Philippines, there are various kinds of Filipino that I still don’t know about. I don’t blame Tagalog too much, especially when it’s the national language.

Then again, English is just as national, nowadays.

I think that — for Filipinos living in America, primarily the ones who are limiting their constructs of being Filipino to people who ONLY speak Tagalog — perhaps they haven’t really looked deep into their heritage enough to be open to what’s really out there in the Philippines.

Even for those who already know they are ILOCANO, but don’t know how to react to dialects they never heard of…

For instance, in Pangasinan, the word WALA means THERE IS, kind of like MAYROON/MERON in Tagalog.

In Tagalog, WALA means NOTHING or THERE IS NOT.

So for any Pangasinan kid in the US that hears the word WALA in Tagalog, it can get a little confusing, if not annoying.

WALA: Same word, yet can have a different meaning depending on the dialect…

.. and with that, more dimensions to the idea of being Filipino.

It can be enlightening to just ask mom and dad,

“Mom/Dad, what was your first language/dialect? Was it Tagalog?
Or did you speak something different at home?”

It opened my eyes.

By the time the vacation was over, it wasn’t about having fancy pictures to take home and show people I’ve been to Jollibee or Chow King or whatever.

Instead, it was about seeing things I wouldn’t be able to realize without going to the Philippines.

I would’ve liked to pick up the Pangasinan dialect or the Tina Sambal dialect.

I loved those dialects just as much as I liked Tagalog.

Switching back to the idea of being rich or poor . . .

Perhaps, it isn’t about who was rich or poor; it’s more about who was happy with their lives, in spite of what their social status was . . .

… and coming back from vacation, it felt like — it’s not about who went to all the cool vacation spots.

For me, it was all about reevaluating what it meant to be Filipino…

.. and it was a lot more than what I had limited myself into believing.

It’s easy to say you’re Filipino… but.. if anything, it’s deeper than that.

You might call yourself a Filipino simply because you’re not in the Philippines and it eliminates the confusion that people get when they want to know if you are Filipino and not affiliated with the cultures of Malay, Hawaiian, or Chinese.

Your heritage derives from your homeland… so that label, well.. it’s there to tap you on the shoulder now and then, to tell you, “Hey you’re Filipino…”

Yet, if you gave it some thought, it’s sort of deeper than that.

Maybe it’s deeper than just being called a ‘Filipino’.

At the end of my one month vacation in the Philippines, my cousin Jayar was saddened to watch me leave Olongapo in my Uncle’s van as we traced the early morning streets.

Again, I sat there in the van, letting incoming thoughts enter and leave intermittently. Almost like rain was beginning… then stopping… then raining again. A raining of thoughts until we’ve reached the airport in Manila.

I figured that — in the Philippines — I wasn’t Filipino.

I was more of an American citizen on a one-month vacation…

.. but then.. by the time we got to the airport to fly back to Florida…

.. well.. maybe it was more than that.

For one month… I wasn’t a tourist… and I wasn’t a person on a vacation.

If I was standing around, I was one of them.

I was treated like I was one of them, even if I wanted them to acknowledge me as someone whose Tagalog needed tons of improvement!
 It wasn’t like we looked at each other and had to guess, “Oh.. yeah that guy is probably Filipino,” – I mean, I was just a person.

To be seen as a person, instead of some “Oh, he’s Filipino, can’t you tell..?”

For once, it felt good. I was a person.

I no longer felt it was necessary to call myself Filipino; it opened my eyes…

.. and I see that it’s more than that.

There are many dimensions to being Filipino than just knowing Tagalog.

Sure, I keep bringing up Tagalog… but it’s true; some people really overlook the other dialects that are just as Filipino as Tagalog.

I didn’t leave as a Filipino… I left as a person who came home, who saw home, and well, .. I didn’t mind being in the province or countryside where nearly nothing seemed to be going on!

Meaning, no air conditioning… and probably no electricity.. or not a lot of that…. but when you got relatives and people to talk to, it’s almost like saying, “Who needs a TV for entertainment? I got family to talk to…”

In the USA, it’s almost like, it’s no longer family-oriented. It’s just a buffet of being busy and more busy. My parents and I talk, yeah. We bond about things like watching the latest teleseryes on TFC.

Yet, when it gets outside of just keeping in touch with the things of the Philippines, it’s all about what’s going on in the US.

Here in the US, it’s all about keeping up with the latest popular songs, TV shows, films/movies, celebrity gossip, Apple products, cell phones, devices, online social networking platforms, internet innovations, etc.

Or maybe that’s just an exaggeration of all things social media and such.

These things are as tiring as they are intriguing… for me, at least. Either that or I just grew out of it, in a way.

In the Philippines, I had the feeling that everything was so simplified that you don’t really have an influx of trends that you had to keep up with.

Wala yung mga “hindi ka IN kapag wala kang pakialam sa mga trends” stuff.

There is probably an American mentality that Filipinos have in the USA that the more money you have, the more things you could buy; the more things you could buy, the more things you could have; the more things you could have, the more happiness you could have…

… but really — the more money you have, the more chances to feed yourself with temporary happiness.

The key word is ‘temporary’. Is that inherently a bad thing? Maybe. Maybe not.

It’s just something to think about.

Granted, everyone needs enough money for food and shelter… but at some point, the extra money Filipinos in America make — where does that money go? Does that money go to things like:

A new house to represent how rich you are?
Or maybe a new car to portray your high status…
Or maybe having all sorts of the branded clothing…
… popular shoes.. the latest CDs..
.. new iWhatever products that Apple comes up with…
.. 6 digits? 7 digits?

Mortifying as it might sound, I buy most of my clothes at Wal-Mart…

… and branded or not, as long as I feel comfy in my clothes, I don’t mind at all.

Some Filipinos might feel that Filipinos in the USA dress a little of character. Expensive clothing that look a little silly on them… am I saying this, though? Nah.

Filipinos who have this view of fellow Filipinos in the USA… they might be saying this.

Any Filipino that feels that they need to buy certain things to be accepted by other Filipinos in America — they’re probably trying to be more Americanized…

… not more Filipino… or is that just weird to say it that way?

Does being American mean being a trendy person?
Or is it just kind of ridiculous to follow labels to begin with?
Can’t we all just be people instead of all these labels?
What about being Filipino-American?

It’s these questions that can mess with anyone’s mind… and since the focus is on Filipinos in America, Filipinos in America can be confused about their identity, either their Filipino identity or American identity.

Since living in America is sort of like being a part of a melting pot… the diversity sort of gives a never-ending ambiguity to being American.

The enormity of it all is that — I know where I came from… probably not as much as I would like to know, but now I know.

It opened my eyes, just going on a simple one-month vacation in the Philippines.

I am not really a Filipino — it’s a lot deeper than that…

Sure, I haven’t lived an impoverished lifestyle of struggle…
… and sure, some people may want to tell me I’m crazy for wanting to come back to the Philippines when so many want to come here in the USA…
… but I’d rather be crazy than be homesick.

For me, the places I went to in the Philippines…

… being there felt like home.

In one way, being Filipino meant that your parents were from the Philippines…

… while being in the Philippines meant that — your heritage of being Filipino is being nurtured, simply by being immersed in the areas of the country where your mother and father grew up in.

Your understanding of your heritage is simply carved out for you by your direct immersion of just being in that environment… and ACTUALLY being open to the spoken dialects of the area you’re in.

In essence, I’d have to say this:

If you’re a Filipino in America, what do you think it means to be Filipino?

Is the label ‘Filipino’ truly important?

Is it better to just stay with what your other Filipino friends tell you about being Filipino?

Maybe it is better to go to where your parents grew up and experience it all yourself… even for a month.

Perhaps by un-stifling oneself of the ego that you are Filipino or that you are American.

You would find out that your heritage becomes a lot more clearer by seeing what you are able to discover when going home to the Philippines, seeing the hometowns of your parents.

There is nothing wrong with calling yourself Filipino.

I just think that… if we stick to that sort of label, we may prevent ourselves from fully embracing the purity of our heritage — the heritage of our parents.

A singular label like ‘Filipino’ doesn’t speak very persuasively on its own…

That one word may never be suffice.

If you haven’t already, go to the Philippines.

Or if you already have, but you don’t already understand what it means to have your eyes truly open to the realization of your heritage, go to the Philippines… again.

Get your senses ready.

Have awareness.

See everybody for what they are… without comparing them to people back in the USA.

See the country for what it is…

See what people are happy to have…

See what people are able to live without…

See how your parents grew up…

See how simple the lifestyle is…

See how complicated the lifestyle is…

This article isn’t really something about how Filipinos ought to stop being so materialistic and dependent on materialistic things for happiness. That is something that most people have to think about on their own.

First and foremost, this is an article about discovering ones own heritage firsthand… with a little bit of my own experience with this to share my views.

Go to the Philippines. Observe the people. Come back. Look at Filipinos in your local society. What do you see? What’s different?

With this, I leave one question for Filipinos in America.

How well do you know your ‘Filipino’ heritage and what are some of your personal experiences which shape the way you perceive your heritage?

~ Written by Fluxay Flur ( Fluxay Flur is my literary pen name or pseudonym)

Advertisement

Single Post Navigation

← Older Entry

Newer Entry →