PHILIPPINE VOYAGER

R.I.P. Steve Jobs (1955-2011)

Julius — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 10:07:26 +0000

Steve Jobs, from his 2005 commencement speech
at Stanford University:

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything—all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure—these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t
be trapped by dogma—which is living with the results of other people’s
thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner
voice.”

Another Life Change and it’s All Good

Julius — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 15:18:33 +0000

I had to drop out of college this week. Not because I wanted to, but it was the right thing to do. There are too many items on my plate to chew on at this time, and all it’s done is bring unnecessary stress to my life. The thought of trying to balance a teaching job, going back to college, a part-time job teaching at a community college, and a family dynamic for the next few months was stressing me out.

A few months ago, I was diagnosed of having Central Serous Retinopathy, a fluid leakage behind the retina on my left eye that impaired the vision. Left untreated, it could lead to permanent vision impairment. This condition (CSR, for short) is brought on, according to one ophthalmologist, by stress.

Stress is a normal part of life, We handle it as best we can and try to move on. However, according to the eye doctor, our body deals with stress in varying capacities. Our minds tell us we can handle and overcome most stressful situations, but our body responds differently and often pays the price. I’ve always thought of myself as having a high tolerance for stressful situations even when I was young. Yet, as I get older, my body isn’t willing to respond to the stress like it used to.

So I had to make an important decision: continue to pursue the goal of finishing my education to keep my teaching job and risk losing my sight; or do I start taking it easy, by unloading some of the items on my plate and try to make the effort on maintaining my health, so I can be around a little longer with most of my body parts intact and working? The answer is simple. Money and other material pursuit can be earned and lost at anytime. We only have a few chances of keeping our body healthy and alive.

Everything Happens on Ypao Beach Park

Julius — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 12:08:10 +0000

My son and I came back from another party at Ypao Beach Park last Saturday afternoon; my wife had to work that day so she couldn’t join us. The occasion we attended was a birthday party for one of my friend’s grandson who just turned two. Although the water was at low tide and the tip of the corals rode above the waterline, it didn’t spoil the fun for the swimmers who preferred deeper water for swimming. There was enough water inside the reef to create a pool-like stillness that was safe for children to swim in, without having to worry about dragged out to the ocean by undertows. The weather also cooperated even if there were distant downpours at two or three locations out in the ocean. Guam is infamous for brief, unexpected showers on a daily basis, but we didn’t get any rain that would’ve caused us to run for shelter under that day. It was, by personal account, a perfect day for hanging out at the beach.

Ypao Beach Park is located on the southwest end of Tumon Bay, well-known for its high-rise hotels that accommodate both locals and tourists. It’s a public access beach, so no one has to go through the hotel lobbies, or their adjacent properties, and feel like trespassers just to get to the beaches. Ypao Beach is great place for hosting parties and special events, and where everyone will always run into someone they already know. The beach has a lifeguard station that’s manned from morning to dusk, and attracts Japanese tourists from nearby hotels, even with their own plot of beach. There is also a fresh-water shower stall to rinse off after a day’s swim, a large covered pavilion for, as well as about a dozen covered picnic tables for smaller gatherings dotting the park ground. However, a reservation is required to use these covered picnic areas, especially during busy holiday occasions. The best part about Ypao Beach Park is there is plenty of room for everyone to enjoy themselves all year long.

My Schedule for the Next Few Months

Julius — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 09:25:06 +0000

All public schools on Guam are suppose to start on August 8. But due to the finishing touches on the new John F. Kennedy high school campus on Tumon, the school superitendent had decided to delay the opening day for all schools until August 20 so that everyone will be on the same schedule. This makes for a longer summer break for school personnel, parents, and students. This delay doesn’t mean students will have shorter school days. The department of education is going to compensate for those lost days by eliminating some holidays or shortening the winter and summer break this coming school year.

I might as well enjoy what’s left of this summer because it’ll be one hectic school year. Not only will I teach full-time during the day, I’m also going to teach GED (high school completion) at night and work full time on my masters degree at the University of Guam. Ouch! I’m in for a long, gruelling work schedule for the next nine months. The plan is to finish my masters degree in Special Education by the end of May; that is, if everything goes according to plan and I don’t get sick nor die before then. Plans and situations are always changing. I just have to prepare for those changes. I’ve learned not to grow too attached to one way of thinking or get too complacent about my situation. Changes are always taking place. Sometimes the change is favorable; sometimes it’s not. I have to be ready for both.

My Gallbladder Surgery

Julius — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 10:24:44 +0000

It’s been almost two weeks since I’ve had my gallbladder removed. Now I feel like a new man. Gone are the pains on the right side my stomach, that shoots through the inside, all the way to my spine as a result of gallstones. I’ve been living with this pain for the past 3 or 4 years and hoping I could live with it for the rest of my life. Last October, I had a real bad episode of stomach pain that sent me straight to the emergency room, only to confirm what I’ve suspected all along. Gallstones. Well, I’ve recovered from that incident but knew that I’ll eventually have to say goodbye to my gallbladder.

So, I’ve finally had the laproscopic operation this July 28 while on a summer break from school. I’m gradually recovering from the surgery but have to be careful with what I eat from now on. The days of eating whatever, and however much, I want are gone. Now I have to closely watch my diet, limiting the amount food I eat and eliminating the fat intake altogether. This new diet, along with regular exercise, should improve my weight, blood pressure, and cholesterol level, a common health issues for people my age. I’m not a “spring chicken” anymore and need to start taking good care of my aging body, or else pay the consquences of a poor health down the road.

A Gypsy Life on a Tropic Isle

Julius — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 23:47:36 +0000

Many people are discouraged from living in paradise for fear of leaving behind their way of life to live like a bum on a tropical island. Not for me. Back in Florida, I used to listen to Jimmy Buffett songs. Although I’ve never considered myself a”ParrotHead,” fans of Jimmy Buffett who are known for wearing Hawaiian shirt, flip-flops, board shorts, and drinking Margaritas, I’ve always believed stressors in life seems to be minimized for people who live in the tropics or move around.

I tell everyone that I must’ve been a gypsy in my past life because I easily become complacent after living in one place or doing the same thing too long. I needed to live in someone else’s shoes for a little while, wherever that may be, in order to understand others and the way they live their life. Living on Guam puts me in the ideal place to do that. This island is the gateway to the East and West. I’ve always wanted to explore all the different countries in Asia. I can’t think of a better place to live at this time than here on Guam, where I can work, earn a little living, while I plan out my next adventure in these parts of the world.

The Magic of Letting Go

Julius — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 11:00:51 +0000

This last couple of months has been a challenge. I thought I will not go back to full-time teaching because I was not asked to return by my school due to lack of permanent teaching certification. With all these accreditation going on throughout the country, that includes hiring ”highly qualified teachers,” my lack of certification in the subject I taught last year, made me less competitive in the eyes of the school system. It isn’t like I’m not working on my certification. I am. It’s just that in today’s tight economy, which includes education, I can’t blame the school systems for trying to pick the “cream of the crop.”

So I’ve resigned myself to the idea that I need to start looking for another job. I went back to my old job as a security guard, filled out an application to become a substitute teacher, and even started the process of becoming a taxicab driver; those were the many odd jobs I used to have. I have never considered myself to be “Mr. Status Quo” where I have to have the prestigious job and make lots of money. Those days are gone with economic recessions all around us. If I limit myself to finding the ”dream job,” my two older kids will stop going to college and my family will starve.

So I have to let go of any preconceived notions that everrything will be alright–because sometimes things do not turn out that way. We have to let things go in order to open up new opportunities in our lives. When I let go of the idea that I will not return next school years at my school, I’ve learn to accept my fate and started thinking of ways to start doing something else to earn a living. This change of attitude and feelings allowed me to look forward to other possibilities. Instead of cajoling the fear of not making ends meet, my desperate situation gave me the courage to forge ahead. And it became fun.

Yesterday, in the midst of my effort to reinvent myself, I received a call from my school district. They asked me if I wanted my old job back. I’m not sure what has transpired in the last few weeks, and it really doesn’t matter. I said yes to the job. I will be returning as a teacher in my school. I’m grateful to whatever forces that allowed me to get my my old job back. But regardless of the dynamics that took place in the last couple of months, I’m happy to have gone through the experience; it has taught me a valuable lesson of not taking things for granted, and not to hold on too tightly on what I have in this life. I may or may not be able to keep them.

Update on the Military Buildup

Julius — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 09:00:32 +0000

There has been no new development since the tsunami and nuclear catastrophes in Japan on the military buildup on Guam. It’s somehow stalled. Actually, the excitement has died down months before the calamities in Japan took place. The reason, I think, is because the military and the people of Guam couldn’t agree on the details on what good and bad for both sides. Eventually, everyone just got tired of talking about it. At least that’s what it seems like on the surface because there hasn’t been any new talk since. I’ve always felt Guam’s infrastructure couldn’t support the buildup. There’s just isn’t enough land space for new constructions and influx of people from everywhere. Guam is simply not that big. This island has already reached its maximum potential with the existing military and tourism industries, and to beef up these two areas further would only add unnecessary burden on this island and the people living on it. Everyone should just leave things the way they are. It’s better for everyone in the long run.

Teaching on Guam

Julius — Sun, 31 Jul 2011 01:28:39 +0000

I’ve been on Guam for over a year and it’s still feels good. I also finished my first year as a teacher, which wasn’t bad either. I enjoyed teaching on Guam more than I did in Florida. The difference in the students’ attitude in both places is the reason why. The students on this island are more respectful towards adults. It took a while to get used to being called “sir” by the students. I’ve been called every name under the sun on the mainland, which I don’t care to mention on this page, other than the name that’s given to me by my parents. But here on the island, “sir” or “ma’m” are the common addresses students make toward adult figures. This may not mean much to most people, but it does to an educator like me. There are problem kids in Guam’s school system, like any school systems, but they’re nothing compared to the troubled kids on the mainland. As a whole, I’d still prefer to teach on Guam. The kids are much nicer and respectful here.

Realizing My Filipino Heritage

iwillwalkatyourpace — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 09:10:16 +0000

It opened my eyes.

I was 19 years old. College days were comparatively gloomy. Dropped two classes out of four classes I was currently taking at the time… and I was just stressed out.

Burnt out. My face looked as though the sky had fallen. I just felt absolutely lost in life.

Did I see myself as a Filipino at the time?

No.

I was just a typical American kid.

Yep. That’s what I thought.

So it was April 2009. The parental units tell me that the three of us are going to the Philippines for the month of May.

Mom.

Dad.

Me.

Yep, that’s three people.

Pretty much, my Spring semester ended by the time May came into effect.

I didn’t want to go, at first…

… but after having been fed up with living in America, I figured, “Why not?”

May was here and I was ready to go.

Originally, I didn’t wanna come back to the USA, I just wanted to stay in P’nas..

.. and my dad said that if I seemed like I enjoyed being in the Philippines, I could stay…….. but he wouldn’t let me stay, after the vacation was done.

It meant that vacation was going to be terrible, right?

Nope, it wasn’t that bad.. it was actually better than I imagined.

It’s just too bad that I couldn’t stay.

Why?

It opened my eyes. That’s why.

We were riding home in my uncle’s van.
He was driving my family home to Olongapo City from the airport in Manila.
The entire time in the van, I stared out the window and gazed at the streets.

It was sort of vague, at first..

I mean – were people here poor? Were they rich? Were they middle class?

By the time we arrived home, I had more and more Tagalog shoved in my face.

Not in a rude way, but it was either one of two things:

1) They were too shy to speak English to me
2) May medyo naka-nosebleed.

Ordinarily, my cousins would have ran out of English words and return to Tagalog. They would laugh, I would laugh, and I would sort of get the humor.

For someone who was rather tolerant of this, I figured I had to learn Tagalog.

By ‘learn Tagalog’ I mean learning more Tagalog,
a lot more than just my basic “Busog na ako,” or “Inaantok na ako.”

I didn’t think it was necessary to expect them to get better at speaking English and wait for them. I had to actually give Tagalog a shot.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do… so it made sense to me, at the time.

Were people here poor? Rich? Middle class?

These same questions were constantly echoing in my head like a mantra.

My cousin Jayar was probably the one I talked to most… and he’d be the one who’d tease me in Tagalog a lot…

When I thought about the word “Liloloko,” Jayar came to mind.

He taught me some idea of what the word meant.. and in the context of having a guy-girl courtship, there could be some negative connotations of liloloko… like cheating on a girlfriend/boyfriend… or messing with a girl/boy’s feelings.

Talking with him in Tagalog– it wasn’t even about me learning Tagalog; it was about me learning to communicate and really pay attention and listen to what someone is saying.

It really changed the way I took English fluency for granted.

Living in America for over 10 years, it’s easy to be fluent… but fluency doesn’t necessarily mean good communication skills or listening skills; and by communicating in Tagalog, I was forced to use what little Tagalog I knew and try to communicate my needs or what I needed to express.

I loved the way things were expressed differently in Tagalog.

It was a beautiful language for me.

Learning Tagalog was one of many major factors in me gaining insight as a Filipino.

However, the thing that really affected me the most is this idea that:

There is more to being Filipino than being able to speak Tagalog… or Ilocano.

I was always used to hearing about Tagalog speakers, or Ilocano speakers, or Visayan speakers.

Eventually, I found out that I am half Pangasinan, half Sambal.

Now, I don’t know a lot of half Pangsinan, half Sambal people where I live in the US.

I don’t know any at all. However, this was shocking for me.

All this time, I thought Tagalog represented ALL FILIPINOS.

Pretty generic way of thinking, yeah.. but it’s probably a common mistake that a lot of Filipinos in the USA make.

Or was that merely an uneducated assumption of mine?

Maybe it would be safe to say that I am one of the few Filipino idiots to actually think that Tagalog was the ONLY spoken language in the Philippines– like that was ‘all there is to it’.

A wake-up call? Definitely.

There is more to being Filipino than just TAGALOG.

In the Philippines, you could be representing Cebu, or maybe you’re Bikolano, or something else.

I think that in the USA, a fraction of Filipinos don’t even know that there are other spoken dialects in the Philippines other than Tagalog. Some don’t know what part of the Philippines they represent.

Do I cringe if people only think about Tagalog when they think of Filipinos?

Maybe… much more if people have never heard of dialects like Pangasinan.

That just means that some people have a general idea of what being a Filipino means… and well, there’s nothing wrong with not knowing what stuff like Pangasinan is — it just means you don’t know as much as you would’ve liked to know about being Filipino.

Some new generation Filipinos probably don’t have any interest in seeing what the many different kinds of spoken dialects are in the Philippines.

I think in the Philippines, there are various kinds of Filipino that I still don’t know about. I don’t blame Tagalog too much, especially when it’s the national language.

Then again, English is just as national, nowadays.

I think that — for Filipinos living in America, primarily the ones who are limiting their constructs of being Filipino to people who ONLY speak Tagalog — perhaps they haven’t really looked deep into their heritage enough to be open to what’s really out there in the Philippines.

Even for those who already know they are ILOCANO, but don’t know how to react to dialects they never heard of…

For instance, in Pangasinan, the word WALA means THERE IS, kind of like MAYROON/MERON in Tagalog.

In Tagalog, WALA means NOTHING or THERE IS NOT.

So for any Pangasinan kid in the US that hears the word WALA in Tagalog, it can get a little confusing, if not annoying.

WALA: Same word, yet can have a different meaning depending on the dialect…

.. and with that, more dimensions to the idea of being Filipino.

It can be enlightening to just ask mom and dad,

“Mom/Dad, what was your first language/dialect? Was it Tagalog?
Or did you speak something different at home?”

It opened my eyes.

By the time the vacation was over, it wasn’t about having fancy pictures to take home and show people I’ve been to Jollibee or Chow King or whatever.

Instead, it was about seeing things I wouldn’t be able to realize without going to the Philippines.

I would’ve liked to pick up the Pangasinan dialect or the Tina Sambal dialect.

I loved those dialects just as much as I liked Tagalog.

Switching back to the idea of being rich or poor . . .

Perhaps, it isn’t about who was rich or poor; it’s more about who was happy with their lives, in spite of what their social status was . . .

… and coming back from vacation, it felt like — it’s not about who went to all the cool vacation spots.

For me, it was all about reevaluating what it meant to be Filipino…

.. and it was a lot more than what I had limited myself into believing.

It’s easy to say you’re Filipino… but.. if anything, it’s deeper than that.

You might call yourself a Filipino simply because you’re not in the Philippines and it eliminates the confusion that people get when they want to know if you are Filipino and not affiliated with the cultures of Malay, Hawaiian, or Chinese.

Your heritage derives from your homeland… so that label, well.. it’s there to tap you on the shoulder now and then, to tell you, “Hey you’re Filipino…”

Yet, if you gave it some thought, it’s sort of deeper than that.

Maybe it’s deeper than just being called a ‘Filipino’.

At the end of my one month vacation in the Philippines, my cousin Jayar was saddened to watch me leave Olongapo in my Uncle’s van as we traced the early morning streets.

Again, I sat there in the van, letting incoming thoughts enter and leave intermittently. Almost like rain was beginning… then stopping… then raining again. A raining of thoughts until we’ve reached the airport in Manila.

I figured that — in the Philippines — I wasn’t Filipino.

I was more of an American citizen on a one-month vacation…

.. but then.. by the time we got to the airport to fly back to Florida…

.. well.. maybe it was more than that.

For one month… I wasn’t a tourist… and I wasn’t a person on a vacation.

If I was standing around, I was one of them.

I was treated like I was one of them, even if I wanted them to acknowledge me as someone whose Tagalog needed tons of improvement!
It wasn’t like we looked at each other and had to guess, “Oh.. yeah that guy is probably Filipino,” – I mean, I was just a person.

To be seen as a person, instead of some “Oh, he’s Filipino, can’t you tell..?”

For once, it felt good. I was a person.

I no longer felt it was necessary to call myself Filipino; it opened my eyes…

.. and I see that it’s more than that.

There are many dimensions to being Filipino than just knowing Tagalog.

Sure, I keep bringing up Tagalog… but it’s true; some people really overlook the other dialects that are just as Filipino as Tagalog.

I didn’t leave as a Filipino… I left as a person who came home, who saw home, and well, .. I didn’t mind being in the province or countryside where nearly nothing seemed to be going on!

Meaning, no air conditioning… and probably no electricity.. or not a lot of that…. but when you got relatives and people to talk to, it’s almost like saying, “Who needs a TV for entertainment? I got family to talk to…”

In the USA, it’s almost like, it’s no longer family-oriented. It’s just a buffet of being busy and more busy. My parents and I talk, yeah. We bond about things like watching the latest teleseryes on TFC.

Yet, when it gets outside of just keeping in touch with the things of the Philippines, it’s all about what’s going on in the US.

Here in the US, it’s all about keeping up with the latest popular songs, TV shows, films/movies, celebrity gossip, Apple products, cell phones, devices, online social networking platforms, internet innovations, etc.

Or maybe that’s just an exaggeration of all things social media and such.

These things are as tiring as they are intriguing… for me, at least. Either that or I just grew out of it, in a way.

In the Philippines, I had the feeling that everything was so simplified that you don’t really have an influx of trends that you had to keep up with.

Wala yung mga “hindi ka IN kapag wala kang pakialam sa mga trends” stuff.

There is probably an American mentality that Filipinos have in the USA that the more money you have, the more things you could buy; the more things you could buy, the more things you could have; the more things you could have, the more happiness you could have…

… but really — the more money you have, the more chances to feed yourself with temporary happiness.

The key word is ‘temporary’. Is that inherently a bad thing? Maybe. Maybe not.

It’s just something to think about.

Granted, everyone needs enough money for food and shelter… but at some point, the extra money Filipinos in America make — where does that money go? Does that money go to things like:

A new house to represent how rich you are?
Or maybe a new car to portray your high status…
Or maybe having all sorts of the branded clothing…
… popular shoes.. the latest CDs..
.. new iWhatever products that Apple comes up with…
.. 6 digits? 7 digits?

Mortifying as it might sound, I buy most of my clothes at Wal-Mart…

… and branded or not, as long as I feel comfy in my clothes, I don’t mind at all.

Some Filipinos might feel that Filipinos in the USA dress a little of character. Expensive clothing that look a little silly on them… am I saying this, though? Nah.

Filipinos who have this view of fellow Filipinos in the USA… they might be saying this.

Any Filipino that feels that they need to buy certain things to be accepted by other Filipinos in America — they’re probably trying to be more Americanized…

… not more Filipino… or is that just weird to say it that way?

Does being American mean being a trendy person?
Or is it just kind of ridiculous to follow labels to begin with?
Can’t we all just be people instead of all these labels?
What about being Filipino-American?

It’s these questions that can mess with anyone’s mind… and since the focus is on Filipinos in America, Filipinos in America can be confused about their identity, either their Filipino identity or American identity.

Since living in America is sort of like being a part of a melting pot… the diversity sort of gives a never-ending ambiguity to being American.

The enormity of it all is that — I know where I came from… probably not as much as I would like to know, but now I know.

It opened my eyes, just going on a simple one-month vacation in the Philippines.

I am not really a Filipino — it’s a lot deeper than that…

Sure, I haven’t lived an impoverished lifestyle of struggle…
… and sure, some people may want to tell me I’m crazy for wanting to come back to the Philippines when so many want to come here in the USA…
… but I’d rather be crazy than be homesick.

For me, the places I went to in the Philippines…

… being there felt like home.

In one way, being Filipino meant that your parents were from the Philippines…

… while being in the Philippines meant that — your heritage of being Filipino is being nurtured, simply by being immersed in the areas of the country where your mother and father grew up in.

Your understanding of your heritage is simply carved out for you by your direct immersion of just being in that environment… and ACTUALLY being open to the spoken dialects of the area you’re in.

In essence, I’d have to say this:

If you’re a Filipino in America, what do you think it means to be Filipino?

Is the label ‘Filipino’ truly important?

Is it better to just stay with what your other Filipino friends tell you about being Filipino?

Maybe it is better to go to where your parents grew up and experience it all yourself… even for a month.

Perhaps by un-stifling oneself of the ego that you are Filipino or that you are American.

You would find out that your heritage becomes a lot more clearer by seeing what you are able to discover when going home to the Philippines, seeing the hometowns of your parents.

There is nothing wrong with calling yourself Filipino.

I just think that… if we stick to that sort of label, we may prevent ourselves from fully embracing the purity of our heritage — the heritage of our parents.

A singular label like ‘Filipino’ doesn’t speak very persuasively on its own…

That one word may never be suffice.

If you haven’t already, go to the Philippines.

Or if you already have, but you don’t already understand what it means to have your eyes truly open to the realization of your heritage, go to the Philippines… again.

Get your senses ready.

Have awareness.

See everybody for what they are… without comparing them to people back in the USA.

See the country for what it is…

See what people are happy to have…

See what people are able to live without…

See how your parents grew up…

See how simple the lifestyle is…

See how complicated the lifestyle is…

This article isn’t really something about how Filipinos ought to stop being so materialistic and dependent on materialistic things for happiness. That is something that most people have to think about on their own.

First and foremost, this is an article about discovering ones own heritage firsthand… with a little bit of my own experience with this to share my views.

Go to the Philippines. Observe the people. Come back. Look at Filipinos in your local society. What do you see? What’s different?

With this, I leave one question for Filipinos in America.

How well do you know your ‘Filipino’ heritage and what are some of your personal experiences which shape the way you perceive your heritage?

~ Written by Fluxay Flur ( Fluxay Flur is my literary pen name or pseudonym)